Hello folks
First of all I would like to tell you about two dreams I had last night.
I firstly dreamt that I had three male friends in my car (in reality I do not know them) and I was sat in the back. There was a guy driving and he pulled up outside a shop and jumped out. My car started rolling forwards and I shouted for the guy in front to put the handbrake on. He didn't and so I leant forward (difficult in my car) and pull it. It didn't work and we rolled into a barrier and crapped my car up completely. Very horrible dream.
Second I dreamt that I was in the kitchen at work and I had a big white baguette filled with cheese. I took a bite of the baguette and the bread was so fluffy and doughy and delicious. Then after chewing for a couple of times I realised with alarm that I was on LL and had to spit it all out. I dreamt that a couple of times in a row. It's very odd because this morning I nearly opened the fridge to get some lemonade. How am I still doing silly things like that six days in?
The second dream was a very, very horrible dream. The bread did taste delicious though. It's funny that I remember that a lot better than I remember the cheese.
Anyway, last night I had my first meeting. I met the ladies in my group and they are all lovely. I am the youngest there by some way I think. It's a bit like being in a mothers' meeting.
We watched a DVD that I didn't really see the point of. It said that your hair might fall out and I am not very happy about it. My hair is the only part of my body I like and if that goes I will just be a balding heifer. It really does make me wonder about LL. People say 'Oh you get headaches and your hair falls out and you feel weak and you have three week long periods but think of how good you will look when you've lost that weight!'. What are we doing to our bodies? Is being thin really so important to us that we are willing to go against our bodies clearly protesting? We shouldn't get any side effects, let alone your hair falling out and bizarre irregular periods. Maybe it's a case of pot and kettles though because I am still sat here doing it. If my hair really did start to fall out though I would have to think twice. My hair means a lot to me.
We had to make specific and realistic goals too last night and it wasn't easy for me. I didn't want to say 'in three months time I want to be a size 18' because I honestly don't know if that is realistic or not. I'm new to the world of yo-yo dieting and I don't know how weight relates to size and time. The size of clothes is more important to me than weight. In the long run I suppose my goal would be to walk into somewhere like Monsoon, Topshop, Dorothy Perkins, Gap or New Look and just pick up a size 10 and know it will fit. I go to New Look quite often because they do young and fashionable fat clothes (as opposed to Evans who do boring, old moo moos that cost the Earth) and I go in to my tiny, tiny little fat person section and spot things in the normal people section that are so lovely and I think 'oh, I wish I could buy that David Bowie top' so that's the place I dream of hunting most. Also the New Look in Southampton is massive, so there's more clothes to roam.
I did end up making a short term goal. Our foundation finishes on 11 October and it is my birthday on 10 October. So my goal is to be slim enough to fit on the rides at Alton Towers or Thorpe Park so I can go for my birthday. I have been once before and I couldn't fit on the big rides. That shit sucks, I tell you. I sat in the test chair and boyfriend of the time was leaning down on the restraint trying to squeeze me in as people walked past. Never again. The restriction is 52 inches and my counsellor measured my waist at 53 inches so I think it is realistic that in 13 weeks I can slip below 52 inches.
When my counsellor weighed me last night I had lost 5lb. My mum had lost 7lb. All good in the hood.
Best get on. Work time beckons.
