I went to class last night and I lost 3lb. I lost the least out of everybody there. My mum lost 11lb. Seeing as I had been as good as gold the entire week I was a bit disappointed. I know I tried to psyche myself up yesterday by saying that weight is just a number but when it comes to the crunch and everyone is sat around you saying they've lost more, it does sting a little. It's alright though, baby steps and all that. I've lost 8lb in total now, which is pretty good for not even two weeks (in normal diet terms).
They kept talking on the DVD last night about how in week 3 the excitement starts to wear off and you realise you're in for a long slog. It's true of course, so I suppose what happens in these first few weeks is insignificant because it only makes up 1/7 (sorry, I did try to work out the percentage but it's only 8am and that's too early for me to do math) of the time we are there. It's early days yet.
I keep dreaming that I have eaten stuff. I don't dream of going 'stuff foodpacks, stuff the counsellor - I'm going to eat this chocolate brownie!'. In my dreams I am already eating and not thinking of LL at all. Then all of a sudden I'll go 'oh shit, this is food. I've lapsed now.' and I feel really bummed out. Then I'm left feeling defeated and useless. Last night I dreamt I was sat with my mum eating a kinder egg. Then I said (exactly as I put up there) 'oh shit, this is food. I've lapsed now.' and thought 'I really wanted to go the whole 14 weeks without lapsing' and wondered what would happen with ketosis.
The only good thing about it is that I wake up and think 'What the hell? Why would I even consider putting a kinder egg anywhere near my mouth? I wouldn't even get in to the situation of having a kinder egg to eat, let alone actually doing it'. In the light of day it seems bizarre because my food intake goes: foodpack, foodpack, foodpack, foodpack and water. There's no grey area there. There's no 'Hmm, am I allowed to eat a kinder egg?', so how I'd end up eating half of it and then going 'oh, this is food?' is beyond me. We can't help what we dream I suppose. At least I am getting the chance to eat conventional food, even if it is in the dreamworld and I feel guilty afterwards.
I wonder what it means though. Maybe I am paranoid about abstaining. I have had similar dreams on other diets. I remember once when I was only eating cream crackers (bizarre but I liked it) and I had a dream that I had stuff myself with dolly mixtures. I woke up feeling really bad because I was doing so well but then realised it wasn't real. The food dreams are a lot more frequent on LL though. A lot more.
We made up this rule at LL last night not to talk about food. So if you do fall off the wagon and indulge in a foot long frankfurter (I just googled frankfurter and can now actually taste that lovely sausagey mustardy goodness) you can't mention it. You just have to say 'I had a bad week, I lapsed'. The counsellor justified it by saying she didn't want to talk about food for two hours. Fair enough but we did spend a very long time discussing childhood dinner times. While we may have self regulated our food expletives we were still talking about eating, portion sizes, where we ate, how much was on our forks. Not just a few sentences but the real nitty gritty. So really we were focusing entirely food the whole time. Maybe not food the object but the action of eating food.
I'm going to stop saying the words 'food' and 'eating' now because I feel I have said them too much!
Oh my god! I forgot to say - they're stopping Raspberry and Caramel milkshakes!! No way!! I love raspberry. Couldn't give a toss about caramel though as I haven't made a nice one since being on LL but raspberry was such a refreshing change from the sort of plain and sweet flavours. Raspberry was in your face. Veggie soup also got a make over. I tried it last night and it's alright. I liked the old one and although the new one tastes nothing like it, I still thought it was good. I'm in the habit of tipping giant handfuls of pepper in my soups at the moment. Anything to wring a bit of life out of them. My mum only buys four different flavours of shake (seven of each and no soups) so I don't know how she is going to cope without raspberry. I tend to buy one or two of each thing thinking that even if I don't like something as much as another thing at least I'm getting a bit of variety. I think the same old flavours would really make me bored and fed up.
Okay, time for a peanut bar I think. Yum yum yum.
See, even I can't stop talking about the f word. Oh well, maybe LL makes you obsessed or something.
