Right, so my lighter life adventure is beginning.
I went to my 'free hour consultation'. When my mum first told me about it I was like 'It's three hours long??'. Of course it wasn't!
We watched a DVD with two anxious looking, podgy men. The DVD consisted of people saying things like 'I was a pathetic, miserable fat person. I didn't exist. Being fat is the worst thing in the world you can be but now I'm thin so my life is great'. Nerve hitting stuff designed to make you feel shit I think. Fair play to them though, if they get the results it's all that matters. There were lots of 'slim' people lounging around talking about their new found sex lives and trying on medium sized tops.
The DVD did answer a few questions I had. The nutrition packs that you are given are not to give you energy. They are literally just to give you the nutrients you need. They've squeezed them down as much as they can and that's your 530 calories. Apparently (and I cannot see how this works and I'll get back to you with whether it does or not!) once you've burnt this energy store thing in your liver and you're in ketosis just burning fat you don't feel hungry and people reportedly have an overall sense of well being. To be fair I doubt I get all the nutrients I'm supposed to get on what I eat at the moment (shit and processed shit), so maybe I will feel better. People on the DVD said they slept better and felt better in the morning. The councellor lady told us some guy in one of her groups use to have bad headaches but they've simply disappeared.
If you're thinking about joining, here is another tidbit for you...men and women are split in to same sex groups. The men are on the foundation course for eight weeks and women for fourteen. This is because men lose weight quicker than women. Once you come to the end of your eight or fourteen weeks, if you haven't lost all the weight you want to lose you just carry on in the foundation period with your food packs.
The mens' counselling sessions are also shorter than the womens' because we talk too much I assume. From the consultation I got the impression that I'd prefer to be in the mens' group to be honest, less talk about periods and 'feelings' I guess.
At the end of the consultation you are given a magazine (full of LL propaganda to get you hyped up) and a form for your doctor to fill in. It's nothing too intrusive, just whether you are pregnant, have angina, DVT or completely lactose intolerant among other things. It asks what your blood pressue is (mine is good apparently), pulse, height and weight. My doctor glanced at it with a wry smile on his face and took delight in tell me my ideal weight was 10st 4lb. Thanks Doc, I'll bear that in mind. He's a cheeky sod.
My mum is doing LL with me too and she has just got her form signed. We are going to the little LL Den on Saturday to get our food packs so that we can gatecrash the current female group. Leaving the consultation on Wednesday and walking past them was a little bit like walking past a queue to get into a big ladies' tea party hosted by Barbara Cartland. It was all floaty fabric and sequins. Very strange but they will become my best buddies in obesity I guess.
Right now I am coming to terms with losing all my favourite food items and beverages. I think I will miss Pepsi Max, cream teas, quorn family roasts (yes, they are for a family but I eat one all to myself because my family consists of me and two meat eaters), Chinese takeaway, pizzas, cheese and olives. I feel like stuffing my face one last time but know that's not the way to go. My last day of eating real food is tomorrow and I am going to a music festival with my friend Gina, so I don't think I will get an opportunity to scarf down a few scones or a bean curd and black bean sauce with boiled rice.
I keep thinking 'what the fuck are you doing? You will never be able to keep this up. You are going to get so bored and so damn hungry' but I keep looking at the girl on the front of the LL propaganda rag and she goes from big blob and beautiful creature all by eating space dust and drinking gallons of water. It's like - follow the rules and you will lose a shit load of weight. As simple as. It seems like some magic formula or something but it's not. It's just very expensive starvation (or so it feels like).
Anyway, enough speculation. I will let you know how my last day of freedom and my first day of the fight goes. Can't wait to try out those flavours and go carb cold turkey. I'm imagining it to be like the hallucination scene in Trainspotting. I hope wee Dawn doesn't pay me a visit.
Wish me luck!
