My experiences with the Lighter Life programme

Right, here it is.  The one single most important piece of advice you will ever receive while you are on Lighterlife.  The most money-saving, confidence-boosting, stress-reducing tip ever:

Do not wear trousers while you are on Lighterlife.  Avoid them like the freaking plague.  Skirts, skirts, skirts all the way. Abandon all and any trousers you may own.

Why is that?  I'll tell you - they will last you about three weeks if you're lucky and then you'll have to bin them.  You will get about five wears out of them before the bum goes saggy/the legs are too big/they fall down.  My mum gave me some trousers a few weeks ago, about three pairs.  I wore one pair about four times and didn't even get to wear the others.  When I tried them on this morning none of them fitted.  I'm not being picky - I told you I wore size 26 jeans for 13 weeks - they were literally falling down.

Do not waste your money on trousers!! 

Skirts are the answer.  Skirts are the key.  With skirts it doesn't matter if they're up round your armpits or slopping about around your hips.  No one will notice.  Skirts can be knee length, mid calf, ankle length, endless possibilities...with trousers you have either right length or ankle swingers.

Skirts are meant to flow, skirts skim, skirts flatter. 

Anyway, I have group this evening.  It will be the beginning of Week 14.  The last week of foundation.  I am sooooo close to reaching my goal of abstaining for the whole of Foundation.  I suppose I should be proud of myself but it doesn't really feel like a big acheivement for me.  I guess other people would think 'no proper food for 14 weeks!  Wow, that's crazy!'.

You know my ex-boyfriend that I said I wanted to bump into while I was thin and be like 'HA!!  I'm thin and you're not!  Hahahaha.'?  Well I always thought he was too good for me but yesterday I saw a photo of his new girlfriend and guess what?  Turns out I was the one 'lowering' myself to be with him.  His new girlfriend looks like me pre-LL who's gained 30lb, with a potato for a head and dressed up like Andy from Little Britain.  In short, she is a munter.  She has long brown hair (like me) and glasses (like me) but is just really unattractive. 

I'm not being horrible though.  I'm not slating her for no reason.  I haven't even thought about my ex for months ('cept for the above thought of course) and then out of the blue on Monday I received a horrible message telling me to leave him alone on motherfucking facebook of all things (wtf??) by this new girl who I've never even heard of before.  Then she messages me again yesterday throwing her weight around (she's got enough of it) and shouting the odds.  I hadn't said anything.  I hadn't done anything. 

I was all up for being a pain in her arse and fighting my side.  'Dan's new girlfriend' I thought 'she's probably thin and pretty and wears nice clothes.  I'll take her on, stupid cow.'.  I think that shows my mind set completely really:  always thinking people are better than me and thinking because of my size I am inadequate.  The worst thing is of course, the thing that makes me a horrible individual, is that now I've seen her, laughed at her expense and feel better because I am the thinner, prettier one for once I am reinforcing my warped beliefs.  I've always been on the receiving end which was all in my head and would make me feel like shit but now I'm the one actively thinking I'm better than her.  It's bad really.  I like to think this all to do with relationships and exes and jealous new girlfriends and not that I'm a horrible person.

I'm getting quite excited about the big one-oh-oh.  Even though I'll probably need to do nearly two more one-oh-ohs it seems like a milestone for me.

I'm back at work now and sitting at my desk bleary eyed in the cold, trying to look professional and smart in a saggy pussy-bow blouse and my houndstooth courts (I am wearing a skirt as well of course - not just a top and shoes).  I've got about three wears out of this top so far!  I'm just gonna do my best with what I've got.  It's not going to be forever.

I've started fitting in to some of the size 20 jeans my mum gave me a while ago.  I have been wearing my size 26 jeans ever since I started lighterlife and although I did enjoy the boyfriend-jean-bagginess everyone else did not.  It was 'oh, you've got no shape!  The bum on your jeans is awful!  Gok would tell you to get new ones...' etc etc.  So having three pairs of jeans that fit is awesome.

Anyway, I have to  go now!

Ta ta

Day 90!  Who'd have thought it, eh? 

Wednesday night's group was the beginning of week 13, which is the penultimate week of the Foundation stage of LL.  Foundation is the first 14 weeks of Lighterlife where you lose roughly 3st.  The people who only have 3st to lose then go in to Route to Management and start eating again. (I started a few days later than the rest of my group and so that's why I'm still on week 12)  This week's DVD spoke all about going in to route to management, eating food again and finishing the 'journey' and I've got it stuck in my head I will be eating soon. 

The DVD is tricking me though because I'm not even half way through my 'journey' yet.  I still have a good five months to go.  I found a Chinese supermarket today and looked around at all the noodles and spices and started thinking of things I could buy and make - which was, uh, actually nothing.  I walked out with a box of green tea and some course black pepper.  I have this false sense of finality - our counsellor said next week's DVD is full of outtakes and is 'really funny'.  It's like it's going to be an end of term disco or something.

This week is supposed to be Milk Week as well.  The National Health Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence (NICE for short, how twee) advise that for every 12 weeks you spend on a Very Low Calorie Diet (VLCD) you should spend one week on a Low Calorie Diet.  God knows why, no-one makes it very clear - especially not Lighterlife or my counsellor.  She doesn't ask anyone if they've done it or not so doesn't know how it affects weight loss etc.  She made it very clear that we could 'bunk' Milk Week.  I did consider Milk Week but started to feel quite queasy when I learnt I would have to drink 1.5 litres of skimmed milk A DAY - or, even worse, 2 litres if it was soy milk (I was considering giving up dairy on my return to the real world).  Nevermind the physical repercussions of doing that, I still can't get round the idea of putting something in my mouth that isn't water, soup or shake. 

Needless to say, I am not going to participate in Milk Week.  Even thinking about it now makes me feel ill.  Strange really, I never had a problem with milk before.  Hmm, I can hear alarm bells for some reason....why is that?

Strangely, this week has been the week for telling complete strangers how much I have lost, what I weigh and what I originally weighed.  I didn't tell anyone before because no-one asked but this week two people asked in rather frank but also polite ways and so I just told them.  They were like 'Wah, you never were.  Well my love, you didn't look it.' and 'Oh, it just creeps on, doesn't it?' - they were both mature ladies and said it in that lovely mature lady way that sounds full of wisdom.

So anyway, I thought I would share with you guys too.  Seeing as that's probably the reason you ventured on to my blog!  "The life changing lighterlife diet" with all it's boasts etc.  Well, here you go - judge for yourself. =) :

Week 1    18st 11lb (start weight)
Week 2    5lb (18st 6lb)
Week 3    3lb (18st 3lb)
Week 4    3lb (18st)
Week 5    3lb (17st 11lb)
Week 6    5lb (17st 6lb)
Week 7    4lb (17st 2lb)
Week 8    5lb (16st 11lb)
Week 9    3lb (16st 8lb)
Week 10  4lb (16st 4lb)
Week 11  3lb (16st 1lb)
Week 12  5lb (15st 10lb)
Week 13  4lb (15st 6lb)

And here's my measurements:

Bust:  02/07/08:  50"  06/08/08:  47 1/2"  24/09/8:  44 1/2"  Total loss so far:  5 1/2"
Waist:  02/07/08:  46"  06/08/08:  43"  24/09/08:  38"  Total loss so far:  8"
Hips:  02/07/08:  53"  06/08/08  49 1/2"  24/09/08:  47"  Total loss so far:  6"

Marilyn Monroe I ain't, that's for sure.  Eight inches off my waist isn't bad though, only another sixteen to get down to a size zero! >=D (Thinking of MM made me google her, here is an interesting article I found about vanity sizing in women's clothing, which explains why the old fashion size 16 pencil skirts I buy from charity shops - I blame Dita Von Teese - don't even go past my thighs but the size 18 from Evans fits.)

Oh boy have I suddenly started loving going to charity shops recently.  I have discovered that shopping for your size will only make you sad.  What I find much more fruitful is to browse through everything and then pick out anything that catches your eye, for example today I found a gorgeous houndstooth pencil skirt.  It was £1.49 and a size 16, 'What the hell' I thought 'I will be a size 16 one day and at £1.49 this is too good to miss".  Lately I have become very tightfisted when it comes to clothes.  I will not spend £15 on a top that will only last me a few months when I can squirrel away cute and quirky finds at a fraction of the price.  Now, I wouldn't say I have a strange taste in clothes but the 'real' me (as lighterlife would call it, the me that was hidden away while I was fat) does have a taste for prim!  Like I say, blame Dita Von Teese.

I bought a pale pink mac as well.  It was £4.99 and a size 14 but bizarrely, some how nearly fits?

Anyway, it's getting late.  My ebay sales are going well.  Lots more pennies to spend on vintage finds.

Night night!

My ketosis breath is rancid I swear.  I haven't suffered much in the past 80 odd days but today I cannot get the taste out of my mouth.  I have a sore throat, which might not help the situation but I have drunk litres and litres of water.  Why won't it go??  In a way I'm quite glad I've been holed up at home the last few days.  Kissing in my current situation is out of the question.

It's a horrible taste by the way, for anyone contemplating going on lighterlife.  I keep a tube of toothpaste in my handbag.

My mum has gone totally off the rails by the way.  It's gone from 'being naughty' to basically not eating food packs at all.  The last time I saw her eating a foodpack was Tuesday (and it's Sunday now).  Today I've seen her eat a tub of Haagen Dazs and drink a glass of whiskey ("that's not much for 9pm at night" I hear you say but you have to bear in mind she didn't get up until 7pm).  Something's going right for her though because she is still losing weight.  I won't say I'm not annoyed, to be honest for me to lose less weight than her while remaining completely abstinent effing sucks.  It makes me wonder who else at group has lapsed.  No one in my group ever says they have.  I keep reading online and in the LL magazine about how brilliant group is and how you get to share your emotions about food but my group is nothing like that.  All we ever talk about is getting a divorce and what season your skin tone is.  Some weeks we don't even look at our books.  It's a joke.

My mum said to me the other day that one of her friends questioned whether I was remaining abstinent the whole time, apparently they said 'yeah, but you don't know what she eats at work!'.  I was a bit pissed off!  Y'know, it's not the hardest thing in the world not to eat but if I lapsed, I'd goddamn say.  I'm not a liar!  Getting all mushy for a moment, this is a big deal for me.  I said I wouldn't eat for 14 weeks and I'm not going to.  I know it's crooked thinking but I can't fail.  I don't want to lapse or give up and have everyone say 'Oh look, she's eating a Mars bar, I knew she'd never do it.  She's getting fat again, look at the size of her ass'.  I am going to succeed, there's no question about it.

I made an extremo spreadsheet yesterday.  It has my actual weight loss and predicted weight loss.  I can look up a date and see what I should weight then.  It's cool.  I have a graph too! =)

So my ebay items are going good!  Some people have bid.  I'd urge you to take a look - http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/porkfap - everything has a 99p starting bid. =)

I did the jazzy 'update your blog by e-mail from your mobile' thing yesterday but somehow my post hasn't come up.  My angry rant entitled 'urgh' was also done by mobile, so I'm not sure what I've done wrong.

What I said in my jazzy e-mail post was that I'm on holiday at the moment and that's why my posts have dried up somewhat.  Not the exciting type of holiday mind, no jet-setting for me!  I'm mostly just moping about making the place look untidy.  People kept saying to me 'why are you talking two weeks off to do nothing?' and it's like 'single boring people have to take time off too y'know.  I'm entitled to 27 days and I'm gonna take them'.  It's like they expect me to foresake my holiday simply because I don't have a gaggle of gobby girlfriends to swan off with for some utterly embarrassing 18-30 holiday.

Doing nothing isn't all doom and gloom of course.  I have been telling myself I should study and the time I've spent procrastinating has been most productive.  For a start I went through my entire wardrobe and tried everything on.  I sorted my clothes in to three piles:  stuff for ebay (I never realised how much I buy and then never even wear.  I just leave it in my wardrobe with the tags still on!), stuff for my mum (stuff to crappy for ebay, she's one of those sewers and everything is 'fabric!' to her) and stuff for the bin (so shiddy even she doesn't want it).  So girls, here's you big chance - quality garments at knock-down prices...go crazy for it:  http://shop.ebay.co.uk/merchant/porkfap.  If you're a size 24 I'd click that link pretty darn quick.  It'll be gone before you know it.

So basically my wardrobe has nothing in it at the moment.  I don't mind though because at least it's not clogged up with random crap (I mean really, really good quality and fashionable clothes that you should totally buy) I don't even wear.

I tried on a couple of work skirts I wore to death last year and OH MY DAYS! 

Look how big it is!! That baby was tight on me last year.  I can't believe how fat I used to be, I know that's a weird thing to say because I still am but I must have been huge!  I went and showed my mum and said exactly that and y'know what she said 'Well, I didn't wanna say...'.  I decided to keep the skirt so I can amaze myself occassionally. 

I am going to dress up as Pat Butcher for Halloween this year and spent a little while looking round the charity shops the other day.  I found this really nice pencil skirt with a really tiny turquoise and white check.  It looks really 50s/60s and personally, I thought it was gorgeous.  It was a size 16 - a very, very small 16 mind - but I still bought it.  I don't want to get in the kaffufle I am in now of having no clothes later in the game.  For the same reason I've bid on a black size 18 pinafore on ebay too.  The skirt was only 99p in Bernados and if I do decide, like my mum, that it's actually ming, I can always sell it on ebay or give it back to the smelly little lady in Bernados.

I lost 5lb at group on Wednesay, which took me a pound under the three stone mark!  Check me out!

I made some ice lollies the other day using fruits of the forest water  flavouring.  I read somewhere that you have to put a little bit more flavouring in than you would in a drink but I went totally overboard and now my lollies make my face wrinkle up like eating a lemon.  They're still nice though.  I think where I'm sat at home I'm getting the urge to nibble more.

Anyway, best be off!

Ta ta for now.

So that's what I have to compete with sometimes.  That's me at my worst - crooked thinking, internal chatterbox...whatever lighterlife calls it, I call it fucking malicious and spiteful.  But at the end of the day, if that's what you think in your heart of hearts you can't say it's wrong.  You wouldn't say it unless you thought it was true, would you?

Anyway, I feel better now.  Needless to say I did not break my abstinence.  I may have had enough but I'm still stubborn. 

I dreamt I was at a school with a load of African exchange students (either that or I was in Africa) and they had brought huge gift baskets full of ripe, juicy fruit and I was sat at the front of the class with my old friend Luke eating grapes and strawberrys and melons and it was delicious (and no-one was staring at me or anything).  After I'd finished I thought 'oh shit, I'm on lighterlife.  Oh well, that's cocked it up.'.  The thought that fruit had a lot of sugar in or something flitted through my mind but then my dream was over.

I lost 3lb at group last night, so by LL's scales I am now Xst 1lb, which I am not very happy to accept because on my own scales I am Xst 10lb into the stone below.  Oh well, it's all coming off which is the main thing.

I do think there is a grain of truth to what I was saying last night (albeit very crookedly).  Losing weight does seem like a vain preoccupation in my otherwise vacuous life.  I do look to it as some magic cure-all and part of me wonders if it is.  Will I really get the things I lack now if I weigh 10st?  Will people even know I weigh 10st and if they do would it make them automatically like me more?  Is it really 'the personality that counts' ?  Uh no.  Is it a reason to stop though?  I could lie through my teeth to you and say that I'm doing it for my health but that seems pointless.

It reminds me a bit of the Smiths song 'What She Said' - what she says is 'I smoke because I'm hoping for an early grave and I need to cling to something'.  Of course I am not starving myself in the hope that I will die but I do need to cling to something.  At least this is positive, even if I'm doing it for all the wrong reasons.  If I wasn't obsessing about this all the time you can bet your ass I would be eating bag after bag of crisps and Ben & Jerry's by the carton.  And what would that do for my health (like I even care)?

So there we are...my friend Coops would probably tell me I need to get a hobby.  That's his answer for most of my dilemmas.  I suppose LL would say it's a 'game', started by me (who plays the victim) and Coops (who is the rescuer).  Something along the lines of:

Me:  Coops, my life sucks
Coops:  Why?
Me:  I have no friends
Coops:  Why don't you go out with people from college more?
Me:  Yes, but I haven't seen them for years, they'd think it was weird.
Coops:  Maybe they would like to see you.
Me:  Yes, but they've got their own friends now.
Coops:  Why don't you get a hobby?
Me: Yeah, but I don't like anything enough to do it.
Coops:  Why don't you fix your car or something, you like your car?
Me:  Yeah, but it's too expensive and I don't know anything about mechanics..
etc etc

Discounting, all that bollocks.  I wonder sometimes if I actually enjoy being unhappy.  It's like now I'm getting thinner I am starting to look at other things to blame for my unhappiness or other reasons to be unhappy.

Anyway, this is all far too deep for me.  I best get on.

I don't even see the point of doing this anymore. Who am I trying to please by doing this? Why do I think that weighing less will make me a better person, a nicer person? I will still be the jealous, manipulative, sly, lazy, ugly person I am now. It is as if all I am fueled by is self loathing and vanity. There is nothing with any meaning in my life, why will being thinner help me? And to think I am spending £66 a week on this. There are people starving for free in Africa and I am chucking my money at this. It is sheer greed and sheer vanity. Not to mention the gluttony it took me to get here. I must be pathetic. Living on powder in a futile attempt to look 'good' when everyone can see right through me. They know what I am and what I will always be - an ugly, awkward, snotty, pretentious, childish bore. Why the fuck try and change? Everyone probably laughs at me anyway. I am always followed by patronising coos of encouragement. All gawping at the spectacle of the fat girl wading through life like an imbacile. Pathetic, empty, shallow, vain, pointless existence. Doesn't deserve to be happy.

I wore a pair of size 22 trousers a couple of weeks ago for the first time and they fitted quite nicely - not baggy, not snug.  Really nice trousers, they were.  I put them in the wash, got them back and guess what?  They don't bloody fit!!  It's enough to bring a girl to tears.  I'm walking down the road and feel them slipping down around my bum, my pants are probably on show to the world.  So I had to walk through the park with one hand holding my bag and mobile and the other clutching at my waistband and handbag.  So much for looking better with LL.  To be fair though, I think it says more about my mum's lax attitude to washing than how quickly I lose weight. 

So there goes another item of clothes down the swanny.  I just wish I didn't wear such big pants today if everyone is going to see them!

All the clothes my mum gave me the other week fit nicely now (except these trousers, of course).  There are a couple of tops that despite being a size bigger than I officially am are clingy around the boobage and belly area.  It's okay though, I know it's them that have the problem and they will probably fit in a few weeks time. 

The last few days have been torturous at work.  We had a big training seminar over lunchtime with a lunch provided.  They only went and picked the really posh and lovely place down the road to do the catering.  As I walked in to the room I was hit by a dozen tangy, sweet, savoury, spicy and mouthwatering smells (damn that enhanced sense of smell).  I felt quite awkward and very deprived (I know I shouldn't have) as I sat there with my sparkling water watching everyone tuck in.  It would have been okay if it was just the people I work with but it was literally everyone and the people who didn't know about lighterlife probably thought 'Why is that fat girl sat there with no food?  She obviously does stuff her face otherwise she wouldn't be so fat so why is she sat there like some fat evangelical hypocrite??'.  I got through it though and then at the end people decided to bring the remaining food upstairs to graze on through the rest of the day.  About 8 people squeezed in the lift: seven of them carrying platters of food and me covering my face in desperation with a notepad.  Our lift is smaller than the average airing cupboard in a terrace house and 8 people take up a lot of room.  Everyone held their platters up around their necks to make space and so I was stood there with every luncheon food imaginable right before my eyes with a zillion lovely smells accompanying them.  It was terrible.  It was like some surreal dream.  Talk about the ultimate temptation.  Did I mention the lift was mirrored?  I felt like I was in some kind of new romantic pop video.  But hey-ho I remain abstinent.  I suppose I should feel proud of myself but instead I feel miserable that I didn't get to enjoy the loveliness.  It's not forever etc etc.  I really can't deal with this positive mental attitude thing.

I've also started enjoying black tea.  Don't tell my colleagues though because I am always giving them a ribbing for being addicted to caffeine.  A lot of people seem to hate black tea but I guess where I don't drink any tea normally I'm not used to the milk.

I had my check-up yesterday, the nurse made me take my arm out of my top to do my blood pressure so I had to sit there exposing my flab.  That was unpleasant.  The good news is that I weighed in at 100kg.  That's a nice round number, eh?  She seemed quite shocked and congratulated me on my loss.  She said before I started I was 119.5kg.  Apparently my blood pressure reading is really good too.  It always has been, which surprises me considering my obesity.  I am no longer morbidly obese by the way, I can't remember if I mentioned that?

According to my scales this morning, I have lost 3st!! 3st!!  Wooo hoooo!  I doubt the scales at LL with say this though, although last week I got weighed at Xst 4lb, so even if they show Xst 13lb, 6lb is a big loss for me.  WOOO HOOOOOO!!  I am the lightest I've been in years.

I have decided to set some goals.  Not LL 'SMART' goals that mangle my mind and get me in a strop but goals that mean something to me.  I want to have goals that range from the short term to the long term.  I think if you are constantly striving for something that's a year away you'll get bored - or at least, I will.  I have difficulty in seeing the long term.  Hell, I have difficulty seeing this weekend. 

So here goes, here are some goals.  I will try and update when I think of more etc:

To be a size 10
To be able to go into New Look and not have to shop in the plus size section (so I need to be a size 18)
To have someone call me thin
To have someone see a picture of fat me and say they don't even recognise me
To go to Alton Towers and fit on the big rides
To cross my legs and look good - not like I'm doing some kind of self torture
To lose 100lb
To fit in my old prom dress

So, where am I on these goals:

To be a size 10  No where near.  Not even worth thinking about.
To be able to go into New Look and not have to shop in the plus size section (so I need to be a size 18)
Not that far off.  Give it a few more months.  Maybe by Christmas?
To have someone call me thin  Not gonna happen anytime soon.
To have someone see a picture of fat me and say they don't even recognise me  Let's forget about this one for a while.
To go to Alton Towers and fit on the big rides  Well, I want to go for my birthday and considering my inch loss (which hasn't been measured since week 5 but was 2/12 bust 3 waist 3 1/2 hips), I reckon I could do it.  My birthday isn't for a month anyway and you know how much a lighterlifer loses in a month! =)
To cross my legs and look good - not like I'm doing some kind of self torture I saw myself doing this in a mirror yesterday and I couldn't get over how immense my legs are.  When they are crossed they look like uncooked sausages.  I mean, I'm glad I can cross them at all but certainly wouldn't do it in public yet.
To lose 100lb on the Lighterlife programme I have lost 42lb on LL (using my weight this morning) but my weight loss from Christmas is 63lb.  Hmm, let's make it more specific - let's say to lose 100lb on Lighterlife (my counsellor would be proud).
To fit in my old prom dress I think I was around the 11st mark back then, so I've got a few months to go.  I'd say maybe around January/February time.

So let's give these babies time scales so we can check my progress:

To be a size 10  April 2009 To be honest I'm not sure about this one because I don't know what size I was to start off with.  I can revise it if necessary, I guess.
To be able to go into New Look and not have to shop in the plus size section (so I need to be a size 18)
December 2008
To have someone call me thin  March/April 2009
To have someone see a picture of fat me and say they don't even recognise me  April 2009
To go to Alton Towers and fit on the big rides  October 2009
To cross my legs and look good - not like I'm doing some kind of self torture January 2009
To lose 100lb on the Lighterlife programme March 2009
To fit in my old prom dress January/Febuary 2009

Wow, so I guess some of them were smart goals after all - but the good thing about them was that they were organic, not forced.  These are things I have mulled over for a few days, not absent mindedly scrawled in my foundation book after three minutes consideration. 

Yay, it feels good to know that I am going to achieve these things. 

It feels good to know I'm gonna get my 3st Kitten soon! =)

Just a quick one from me this morning!  Group tonight, I expect to have lost about 4lb.  Hooray! 

I think I've been gettting too hung up on clothes at the moment.  Who cares about clothes really?  Who cares when I'm changing so rapidly I'll have to chuck them away in a month!  At the end of the day, I'd have never been able to lose 2 1/2 stone in two months without lighterlife.  All is rosey and brilliant.

If you are reading this blog and wondering about whether or not to start LL I would say go for it!  Seriously, if you are concerned, here is what I'd say:

1. Won't I get hungry? Nope, not really.  After the first few days being hungry just sort of goes away and although your head will still say 'wouldn't it be nice to eat a biscuit' your belly won't be going 'ARRRGGHHH!  I need food NOW!'.  Sometimes I get hungry before a meal but that's normal anyway.  You won't sit at work at 4pm going 'this is unbearable!'.  Infact, I've never thought 'this is unbearable!' about anything on LL.
2. Isn't it expensive? Well, I think I'm actually better off on LL in a strange way.  I live at home and give my mum keep but didn't think that I really bought any food before LL.  Before I wouldn't have any money left at the end of the month and didn't have money to treat myself with - you know, I couldn't buy clothes or shoes that often.  Now however, I can go into town the day before payday and buy a pair of shoes or a top without worrying.  It seems strange even to me but looking back I am starting to realise I did spend a lot on food even though I didn't actually shop for myself.  I would go to the corner shop before work and buy pepsi, smoothies, kit kats etc and then I might go to the pub for lunch or go back to the corner shop for more kit kats and two of whatever was on offer.  If I got bored at the weekend I would go to the supermarket and buy clotted cream and scones or a cheese cake (and then end up picking up some bagels and cheese just for the sake of it).  I suppose even using the vending machine at work adds up.  It's not just food either, Pepsi Max costs 50p in our vending machine and I used to be a pepsi max fiend.  Booze as well, it costs a pretty penny.  So basically, even though it is expensive, if you keep an eye on what you spend, you should be okay.  You may even, like me, end up saving money.  If it's a big worry for you, I'd keep a diary of what you spend (I totally do this now) and then work out where you can cut down.
3. Don't you get constipated or something? No, that bodily function is still operational albeit less frequently and less disgustingly.  Someone at my group has IBS and she says having to push is a wonderful change for her.  All I'd say is as long as you drink enough water you'll be fine.
4. Don't people get funny if you eat a foodpack in their restaurant? I haven't eaten in a restaurant so far but I have eaten in cafes.  I haven't tried the old 'ask for a bowl of water and make a soup' thing that LL tell you simply because I am goddamn messy when I make a soup.  I just arrange my day's eating so that I can take a bar to the cafe and order some water.  It's okay, most of the times I've had to do it I'm just glad to be eating something.  I've never had a waiter or waitress look at me funny or even notice I'm eating a bar to be honest.  Just act like it's totally normal and everyone else will do the same.
5. Aren't you tired? Not at all.  After the initial dip on the first few days, you start to feel pretty chipper.  In the morning these days I just bounce out of bed.  It's totally not an issue. =)

Anyway, best get on! 

I just googled "lighterlife clothes" in an attempt to get some tips to make my clothes last longer (or buy clothes that will see me through more weight loss) and what was the first result?  My blog!!  Lol, that was a surprise.

I saw some friends of Friday that I hadn't seen in a while, they were crazy shocked at my appearance and here are some of the nice things they said:

• I look half the size that I used to be
• My skin looks good
• My hair looks healthy
• I have strong willpower
• They are proud of me

So I've been trying to keep what they said in mind.  I took some pictures of myself at the weekend and compared them to the pictures my mum took of me before I started.  I couldn't really see the difference.

To be fair though, I am wearing a skirt that I haven't worn for a week or two and it is very loose.  In the absence of proper tips to make my clothes last longer, I have taken to stapling my skirts at the back to make them fit.  This skirt was already stapled in one position but because it is looser than two weeks ago, I have had to staple it again.  Don't look at me like that, I can't afford to buy new clothes all the time.

In my desperation I went charity  shop hunting at the weekend hoping for a couple of blouses or skirts but - and I'm sorry to say this because it is a cliche - it was all smelly old ladies' clothes.  Seriously.  I forgot that plus size is not the norm and the shops were full of small sizes and maybe five pieces of plus size stuff.  So I only managed to find one thing all day that I liked and in the end I didn't even buy that because I decided the slit in the back was too big.  Disappointing day. 

Maybe I should try eBay.  It's difficult because I find sizes vary a lot from shop to shop.  So a size 22 in New Look and Evans are completely different.  I  don't want to end up buying stuff that is already too big for me.  Similarly, I don't want to end up buy stuff I can't wear for weeks and weeks.

I'm fed up with all my tops having big saggy sleeves and hems that come down to my knees.  I'm fed up with trousers have droopy bums and swathes of fabric around my thighs.  Grrrr!!  Who knew weight loss would be such a pain in the arse?