I don't even see the point of doing this anymore. Who am I trying to please by doing this? Why do I think that weighing less will make me a better person, a nicer person? I will still be the jealous, manipulative, sly, lazy, ugly person I am now. It is as if all I am fueled by is self loathing and vanity. There is nothing with any meaning in my life, why will being thinner help me? And to think I am spending £66 a week on this. There are people starving for free in Africa and I am chucking my money at this. It is sheer greed and sheer vanity. Not to mention the gluttony it took me to get here. I must be pathetic. Living on powder in a futile attempt to look 'good' when everyone can see right through me. They know what I am and what I will always be - an ugly, awkward, snotty, pretentious, childish bore. Why the fuck try and change? Everyone probably laughs at me anyway. I am always followed by patronising coos of encouragement. All gawping at the spectacle of the fat girl wading through life like an imbacile. Pathetic, empty, shallow, vain, pointless existence. Doesn't deserve to be happy.
Zappy5971
"Doesn't deserve to be happy." Oh yes you do. Now then. We ALL put ourselves through this torture because the media say we have to be thin. And gawd knows we know it looks better, no denying that!! But. I think you might need cheering up. I am on the same journey. Oh go on. Read my blog, it might put it all in perspective, or at least make you laugh!