So, here I am sat in my comfy, warm Travelodge bed. One exam down, another to go. On Wednesday, luckily, so I feel like I can give myself a bit of a break now. Just drunk my upteenth cup of decaff coffee, which I am LOVING by the way.

Things have been pretty mental this past month. I'll try and fill the gaps I've left – in a vague stab at orderliness!

Let's first of all say that I am in a much happier place than my last blog entry! Got my first exam out off the way (piss easy) and much less stressed.

Right, so! The Christmas party and Christmas generally. Well, I found a gorgeous dress in Monsoon. Dress shopping itself was utterly fabulous. I felt like a princess rushing around with armfuls of satin and sparkle. I was so grateful to my mum for giving me the money. It really did wonders for my confidence as I stood infront of the mirror in my emerald green prettiness thinking “God, I am so lucky to be able to wear this dress...no, hang on, wait..it's not luck, I did this. This is will power and determination. I deserve this. I worked hard for this.'. It felt like an affirmation of all that I had achieved.

There were so many shocked faces at the party. People I had pretty much forgotten about from our offices had wide eyes and grins when they saw me – even people from my office seemed amazed to be honest! I was running late meeting my friends at the train station before the party and rushed in wearing my tiara, dress and faux fur shrug (not thinking this was at all strange at the time) and I heard a guy say 'oh wow' as I strode past. Oh wow, at me! Once again – thank you mummy, thank you Monsoon and thank you Lighterlife!! I love you!

At the Christmas party I had a pot of tea while the others ate their meals. Fortunately there was a Frank Sinatra impersonator on stage while dinner was served and so I was able to groove about while I sipped away. I didn't feel in the slightest bit awkward or deprived. I couldn't tell you how the others felt though! The staff at the hotel were great food (or non-food) wise. The one thing I did wish I could have was booze though. Everyone got completely wasted and wanted to dance the night away but it's hard to get your groove on with no alcoholic lubrication. The drunkards were waving their arms about going “ah mate, I love this song...come on, come on, just come up here and we'll do some dancing, yeah?” to things like Return of the Mac and I was so not feeling it. In the end I decided to pretend I was drunk and make with the dirty dancing. It worked a treat. I'm not sure how I stopped being self conscious but I had a lot of fun.

In the rush of getting ready before the party I forgotten to eat a foodpack and so by home time I hadn't eaten for a good twelve hours, had danced for about three consecutive hours and hadn't drunk nearly enough. When I was in the taxi home (Bournemouth to Southampton, not the shortest journey) I felt like I was going to die and be sick – in that order. I felt absolutely terrible. It felt like a mixture between travel sickness and booze sickness...but I was sober! My boss had to ask the taxi driver to stop and bought me some water and painkillers. What a hero. I still felt awful after that and so my boss told me I shouldn't drive and asked the taxi driver to take me home (I thought being able to drive home sober was brilliant but so much for that!). They were both absolute angels that night. I think it was just lack of food and too much dancing. I got through the door and couldn't make it up the stairs. I sat curled up on the third step up sipping water with my eyes closed for a good thirty minutes. I learnt an important lesson that night: when you only eat 500 calories a day, make sure you do actually eat them!!

So yeah, fantastic Christmas party but not so fantastic journey home. I vividly remember saying in the midst of my battle to stay lucid “the Daily Mail would have a field day if they saw me now”.

Christmas wasn't at all the gut wrenching torture Lighterlife warned us about. To be honest, yes there were a few more goodies about than usual but it didn't change how I felt. Food is hardly an object now. I don't stop at the food counter in cafes, I rarely go in the kitchen cupboards, I don't bat an eyelid when my dad gets a take away. I had a chicken soup at the table with my parents while they ate their Christmas dinner. I think the only thing that bothered me was that the days seemed longer with less eating. In a normal week I have a routine and my day is filled with working and studying, so I don't notice the time. Christmas took away my routine and left me wondering when to eat. I also wanted to time my meals with my parent's if it was possible, so that I didn't end up sitting there having to smell whatever tasty treat they had.

My fellow Lighterlifers all had intentions to deviate from abstinence in the Christmas season but you know me – do it once, do it right. I didn't even eat for my birthday, I wasn't gonna eat for Jesus' birthday! I made it, it was okay.

A little sumthin-sumthin made the festive period a whole lot sweeter though, I must admit! I met a boy! A nice one! I met him in the middle of December through a friend. It was a bit weird not having the 'fat' label at first. It was hard for me to realise that to him I must have just been a nice girl, not a nice girl who is fat. It took me some time to realise I could wear sexy underwear and not feel like fraud. I told him about Lighterlife and he was interested and impressed rather than cynical and scornful (the usual response!). We went here, there and everywhere and I would have a bar while he got a sandwich or burger. I am quite pleased it's not a big deal to him and he doesn't treat me like an alien. At first he would forget and ask 'what do you want for lunch' or 'would you like some orange juice?' and I'd be like 'errrr....can only have water, remember?'. I quite enjoy (sad, I know) having a black tea while he eats. It makes me feel like I'm having something special.

One thing I will say before we venture in to the world of TMI though – my once boutiful boobs are now mere spaniel ears. While they do look smokin' in the aforementioned sexy underwear, they look positively mournful out of it. That was something that bothered me and made me feel ugly.

So the boy is very in to things like fencing, boxing, martial arts and running. Very fit, very athletic. I'm not sure if it's a coincidence but I have been trying really hard to work out a way of being able to afford to go to the gym. Turns out I can't afford it. Meh. My colleagues and I decided we'd try boxecise instead (lots of patronising coos from the boy who does 'proper' boxing), which is on a Wednesday night. I can't go until next week though, as I won't be back home in time this week.

I have, however, started running and shock of all shocks, I enjoy it!! And I am improving!! It's amazing. The craziest thing is – it makes me feel good. I start off feeling cold and awkward but once I get going I get such a buzz out of doing well. By the time I get home I feel great. I stretch (over-enthusiastically...always), have a shower and put something cosy on and then I relax. I get such a feeling of wellbeing. I love it.

So how much have I lost now? Well, I can't give you a week by week break down because I left my record card at home but I can tell you it's about 7st. My counsellor wants me to stop when I weigh 11st but my goal has always been 10st 4lb, which is what my doctor originally said was healthy for my height (5” 6 ½'). People delight (it seems) in telling me I should stop, that I'm becoming obsessive and that I look “too thin”...too thin? Are they mad? I look normal ffs!

Various individuals have told me the reason I want to become vegan is about controlling what I eat. News to me. I never think of it in a restrictive way though. I think 'I want to learn to cook chickpea and lentil curry' or 'I wonder how you use tofu in stiry-fry'. Have yet to ask my counsellor about the whole shebang. We'll see, eh?

Think that's everything. I'll let you know if I have forgotten anything!