Guess how much I lost on Tuesday night...no go on, guess...don't know? Okay, I'll tell you. NOTHING! "Fucking hell mate, did you go mental and eat sixteen chocolate eclairs?" you ask...uh no! Did I deviate at all? UH, NO! There I am, freaking saintly LLGirl, a shiny beacon of abstinence bursting with excitement and expectation as I'm stood on the scales after another week diligently sticking to her foodpacks. ZILTCH. Week 35, no food, ziltch.

Oh well. I'm not too bothered. I did have a mental week last week and I have still lost 8st.

The only problem is that if I do stop on 17 March, I'm not gonna get very far if I lose a big fat nothing each week. But still, like I say, I'm kinda happy with myself now and hopefully now I've shed the lumpy bumpy excess weight, exercise will help me tone up and become a total hot bod.

Someone called me svelte the other day actually. That amused me. I was like "Hahaha, what you don't know is I've got fucking huge pants on, tights, a vesty top tucked into my skirt, a shirt AND a tank top on...that's why I look svelte!". The thick black tights help too I think. They somehow make your legs look more streamlined. Hey, I'm not complaining.

It was weird the other day - this lady in my group said to me "See, you can wear that look: little skirt, thick black tights, really high heels...I can't pull that off." and it confused me. Is what I wear a 'look'? I just wear what I like. It's so crazy, I've always taken an active interest in fashion and (though I probably looked stupid thinking about it now) even when I was a 19st-er I used to buy Vogue, Elle, Look etc and was up on my designers but I always felt totally alienated and divorced from the whole thing. I couldn't accessorise or wear trends because I felt like being big was this massive barrier to the whole thing. No matter how cute my shoes were or how on trend my bracelet was at the end of the day I was still a fat girl and that detracted from what I was doing heinously. It's like no one would give to credibility. Even if you walked in to Evans (the only place I could go and let's face it they SUCK for fashion) and bought a whole outfit that was on trend, you'd still not look like the girls on the high street or in the magazines because your version was probably some floaty A-lined moomoo. And then of course there's silhouettes - tulip skirts, rara skirts, weirdly tailored coats...when you're fat all you want to do is hide your belly and look as slim as possible. Daring statement silhouettes can fuck off. Oh yeah, and of course my probably was that I could NEVER show off any part of my arm above the elbow. Meh, still can't to be honest.

And don't get me started on shoes. You know my love of severe verging on bizarre-o office shoes (freaking high, natch), well try wearing them when you're 19st. Well, if you can even GET THEM ON!! I couldn't tell you how many times I've nearly been brought to tears in places like New Look trying to force my foot in my size shoe - like one of the goddamn Ugly Sisters. Then if you can force them on your feet, it's a case of walking in them. Red raw feet, that's all I'll say. Squeezing, pinching, rubbing, throbbing red raw feet. So yeah, you put up with it because you think "hey, I'm rockin this" and then you see your reflection: this huge, heaving, lumbering mass hobbling down the corridor like a fucking lumberjack teetering over teeny-tiny dainty little shoes like tree trunks forced in to thimbles. You look I've you've been prized into those shoes with every ounce of effort someone could must. You like you have trotters. You don't look hot, you don't rock it, your size is simple far too sheer for you to tapper off in to these tiny little shoes. It's heart breaking. The amount of times I've seen my reflection when I was big and been humiliated. It's like, you try, you go through the agro of buying the shoes, you try on a million pairs of shoes, you put up with the pain, you fucking try your little heart out and then you see yourself and you think "God, why do I do this? Why do I fucking bother? I look like a frump in flats, I look like a Andy Fordham in drag in heels. I am destined to be ugly.".

Anyway, kinda went off on one there. Didn't mean to. Have to go now unfortunately. Sorry.

Week 1 - 18st 11lb (start weight)
Week 2 - 5lb (18st 6lb)
Week 3 - 3lb (18st 3lb)
Week 4 - 3lb (18st)
Week 5 - 3lb (17st 11lb)
Week 6 - 5lb (17st 6lb)
Week 7 - 4lb (17st 2lb)
Week 8 - 5lb (16st 11lb)
Week 9 - 3lb (16st 8lb)
Week 10 - 4lb (16st 4lb)
Week 11 - 3lb (16st 1lb)
Week 12 - 5lb (15st 10lb)
Week 13 - 4lb (15st 6lb)
Week 14 - 2lb (15st 4lb)
Week 15 - 5lb (14st 13lb)
Week 16 - 2lb (14st 11lb)
Week 17 - 2lb (14st 9lb)
Week 18 - 4lb (14st 5lb)
Week 19 - 3lb (14st 2lb)
Week 20 - 4lb (13st 12lb)
Week 21 - 4lb (13st 8lb)
Week 22 - 2lb (13st 6lb)
Week 23 - 4lb (13st 2lb)
Week 24 - Fratellis Gig!
Week 25 - 7lb (12st 9lb)
Week 26 - 3lb (12st 6lb)
Week 27 - 3lb (12st 3lb)
Week 28 - 3 1/2lb (11st 13 1/2lb)
Week 29 - 1/2lb (11st 13lb)
Week 30 - Exams!
Week 31 - 6lb (11st 7lb)
Week 32 - 2lb (11st 5lb)
Week 33 - 2 1/2lb (11st 2 1/2lb)
Week 34 - 5 1/2lb (10st 11lb)
Week 35 - BIG FAT ZERO!! (10st 11lb)